I spent the weekend working on my latest book, which will come out in print in a few months. It explores a lot of different aspects of my personal journey through an eating disorder and ones I feel you'll relate to.
One the themes I explored was the victim mentality.
Many of us (not everyone) unconsciously play victim to our circumstances. You may think you don't, I used to think so too. Until I looked closely at my journey. Naturally, when we turn on all the lights, we come to find a whole bunch of creatures we didn't know were lurking in our minds.
Recently, I accepted an opportunity that I thought I wanted and felt good about and then when it was offered it had slightly changed from the original offer. I tried negotiating but it wasn't negotiable. So I thought well, Monica just take it and appreciate it for what it is.
So I accepted.
The moment I began I felt resistance gnawing in my stomach. I felt like I had so many better things to be doing; things that excited my soul and now I was stuck doing this thing that I didn't want to be doing.
Have you had that before? Maybe it was a job opportunity you simply accepted out of needing the money, or a business deal you did out of obligation or you caught up with someone who in your gut you really didn't want to see.
I observed myself very carefully during this moment, I could feel my mind wanting to pull me out of the moment and ramble on with complaints and beat me up for not listening to my hunch.
I noticed the little poor me mindset trying to creep in but I caught it and reminded myself that I have a choice to go down this path of thought. So instead, I accepted the moment to be as it was.
Instead I asked myself,
"What would I love instead?"
Reframing the situation begins to dissolve these previous ways of thinking and create new ways of responding to life circumstances. We begin to break ways of being that have been embedded in us for years.
While I may be committed to this right now it does not mean that I cannot choose something different once it's finished or if necessary, have an honest conversation with the person involved. I can learn from this situation to ensure that next time I follow through with what I love, rather than what I think I need. Or I can be upset with myself.
The thing is we always have choice even when it seems like we don't. We have a choice to speak up, to say no thank you, to pass on this particular offer because it's not truly aligned with our heart and trust that life will bring to us a new opportunity.
Life is our game and we truly have a choice in every moment. We may not always have what we want right away, but in beginning to make choices out of alignment rather than need, the opportunities we will begin to attract will start to be of what we love most.
I hope in sharing this you may see areas in your own life when you go against your gut because you feel this opportunity is the logical or "right and responsible" thing to do right now.